This has been a rough week. Mobility has been a huge issue but at the end of the week, things seem to be working out okay for the most part. The week started with me using a wheelchair. We went to see the Tampa Bay Rays play (and lose to) the Marlins. The restaurant had a difficult time seating us without blocking others in, how embarrassing. The stadium was poorly marked for finding elevators and the first restroom I used wasn’t actually handicapped accessible. (Yes, I complained and, when they told me they had fixed the situation but hadn’t I sent them pictures of how to actually make the restroom wheelchair accessible).
Sunday found me still in the wheelchair with my husband driving. This day wasn’t too difficult but then we didn’t have a lot planned. On Monday I tried to use my walker at work but the pain was incredible. So back in the wheelchair we go. That was not only difficult (most doors are extremely difficult to get through with this chair) but I felt like I was grieving the loss of my independence. What if this becomes my new norm? With the disease starting in my hip and now showing up in my ankle, is this going to continue to spread at a rapid rate? What does my future look like?
My ramp from the kitchen into the garage was installed (thank you Richard) Thursday morning. No more falling out of the house. Whew! By the end of Thursday, I was exhausted mostly from pushing the wheelchair around by myself. Lots of tears. Friday found me at the limb and brace specialist to finally pick up my walking boot. They fitted me and then told me I could pick it up as soon as my authorization came through. WHAT??? I had gone through the insurance system thoroughly. After reminding them of this three times and pulling out my phone to call the insurance company they miraculously found my authorization and I walked out the door with my new boot.
Through all this, I had to find motivation just to get through the day. My usual go to when things are stressing me was out, food and unhealthy food at that, was literally off the table as I needed to keep losing weight to get past some of this (and get out of a really large wheelchair). I was tired and my goals seemed very far away. My willpower when we went out for one more round of tacos for Tampa Bay Taco Week was at it’s lowest and I broke my own rules when it comes to what I will put in my mouth.
So back to the basics! I refuse to lose my independence. I refuse to put away my dreams of travel. I will be able to take care of myself and others somehow. My health, or the improvement thereof, is my top concern right now. I can lean into the Holy Spirit for strength through all my trials and as I find out what my life is becoming.
- I need to stick with my food plan – plan what I eat and eat according to plan. I check restaurants before I go so that I know there’s something healthy I want to and can eat.
- I include weightlifting from a chair to build strength and endurance (this really helped with the wheelchair this week)
- I spend the first part of my morning in scripture and in prayer
- I review my “reasons” cards to help remind me of all the reasons I’m striving toward better health throughout the day
Fortunately, thanks to the boot, I can get around with my walker for brief stints. Into mid-August, I’ll also be using the wheelchair for longer periods of time when movement is needed (church, baseball games, and really any time Richard is able to push) as the goal is to stay off my ankle and hip to let them do some healing. Being able to walk again is a true blessing. I don’t think I’ll ever take it for granted again.
What motivates you?
Progress – I forgot to have any this week. You’d think with pushing that wheelchair around so much that I’d have had a better week but I wasn’t drinking my water or watching what I eat nearly as much as I need to. It’s frightening to think being so careful with food has to be my way of life forever but I know there’s no turning back. Here’s to better loses moving forward.