Giving it all up

​As you may know I’ve been struggling a bit coming to terms with needing to use a walker and wheelchair. Last week I posted about motivation especially as it relates to eating healthhy. I love the responses I received to this post and one dear, long time friend (we’re talking 37 years here) posted a wonderful response:

“What motivates me? The fact that I am powerless over food, and that my life has become unmanageable: that a power greater than myself could restore Me to sanity; that I became willing to put my will and my life into the care of God.  God’s will for me is that I not hurt myself with food.  I have no willpower. God has the power and I follow God’s lead.  Much love to you”

That was such a wonderful, startling response which hit me in the soul. There are many times as I try to deal with my new mobility reality and work toward a healthier body weight that I’m ready to toss in the towel. Being relegated to using assistive devices makes it really easy to think “What good is this struggle with food? Will losing weight really impact how I cope with this disease?” Especially on those days when food not on my plan calls to me like a siren to a sailor. 

The coping part isn’t so much adjusting to a strict eating plan and exercising as it is recognizing that I have a disease that is currently incurable and yes, I could well end up needing to use these devices the rest of my life. The prognosis isn’t good. It’s especially difficult to gently help well meaning friends understand that one doesn’t “get better” from this. It can be treated with medication so that, hopefully, the pain can be made tolerable and some level of self mobility can be attainned, but the disease is deteriorating my joints. I simply can’t replace all the joints that are failing. It’s no longer one joint which can be replaced, it’s two joints and I’ve never heard of ankle replacement surgery. Other joints are beginning to show signs of deterioration as well. 

So where does my hope lie? First, God will take care of me. By that I don’t mean heal me so much as God has a plan for me and will enable me to live into that plan. That may include healing but it may not. Whatever it includes, God will equip me when I seek His will. I can turn over my food addiction to God. I can trust that God will enable me to pursue his will in all things in some form. I’m not helpless, I’m enabled to do what I was created for. 

Meanwhile, thanks to that diet and exercise thing, I’m now in a smaller wheelchair which makes getting around much easier. My family is still wonderful and seams to be really good at pushing me around (even though sometimes it feels a tiny bit like Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride). The wonderful people I work with are so helpful and understanding. And finally, my beloved church family is my rock as they bring the love of Christ into my life and pray for me.

This weekend (well actually Monday but we’re celebrating last Friday through Rebecca’s wedding next Friday and on through my parent’s anniversary next Sunday) Richard and I celebrate 35 years of marriage. I remember when that seemed worlds away. We’re so happy about it that we are celebrating like there’s no tomorrow. I’m praying we learn to celebrate in healthy ways. We’re leaning to select dining places by the salads they offer or other healthy options. I want to be able to live my life, despite my need to watch what I eat. It’s not easy but it is possible. We’ll see what the scale says the Saturday after the wedding. I’ll be missing posting next week most likely but I’m not finished with this blogging thing. However, we’ll be celebrating the union of our youngest daughter to a wonderful man who obviously loves her and intends to spend the rest of his life with her. They have a solid relationship not only with each other but with the God whom they serve and that is always a great foundation for a lasting marriage. I know because that is what I have been blessed with.

Here’s to meeting obstacles head on while running the good race to God’s purpose. Cheers!

Progress

The scale was kinder to me than I deserved. I’m down just over a pound. That’s a total of 13.2 pounds. The going is slow but still in a generally downward motion. Here’s to lots of water this week and a will to resist temptation more than not. 

Spiritual Practice

A while back I rediscovered a set of Anglican prayer beeds. Similar to a rosary but without a prescribed set of prayers. I use a form of St. Patrick’s Breastplate as my prayer (see page St. Patrick’s Breastplate). I really need 8 small beads between thee four larger beads but I make it work. What’s your spiritual practice to help you stay in the will of God?